Have you ever thought about how truly scary Peter Pan is? Or are you, like so many others, allured by his upbeat character and child like ways? These very attributes, which make him seem like your typical happy-go-lucky sinless Disney character, are in fact what make him so petrifying. The thought of a stranger being at your window is nightmare worthy. But, in this case, not only is the stranger at your window, but he magically managed to scale your three story home and opened your usually closed window. After opening supposed closed window, he enters into your room silently like a ninja. When he stirs you awake, your eyes are met with a Prozac smile and pointy ears like some elf obsessed lunatic. He dawns a green dress, complete with green tights, and curled slippers. Around his waist is a sung, string belt that fro, which dangles a murderously sharp dagger. And you, my friend, are his next victim.
The green elf ninja, after waking you from you peaceful slumber, proceeds to tell you about a fantasy land where you never have to grow up, you can be a child forever. With him. After describing his rabbit hole like home he goes on to tell you how you would travel to such a place. Well fuck me! You fly of course! But not on an airplane, no, there is an even more reliable method of aerial transportation. He can MAKE you fly, like a bird! Why not? He is the magic elf-eared demon boy after all, of course he can make you fly! All you have to do is jump out of your three story window (that he broke into) and pray your face is not met with bone crushing concrete below. So now, you soar to a mystical land that you have only just now been told exists by a flying, green dress wearing, dagger carrying, pointy eared, flaming happy, prepubescent demon boy with the Prozac smile. Hell while you’re “flying” there you could even make a stop to see Charlie the Unicorn because I am sure he would love to journey to a place even better than Candy fuck Mountain.
That is my case above dear reader, disagree is you like but Peter Pan will always be a scary motherfucker in my fairytale.
well its 4:30 in the morning…and i cant sleep. i need to vent, and sense most sane people are asleep I only have this blog and all of you potential readers to listen. i had a really crappy day and this bummed out mood hasnt left. i don;t know about you but when i get into a bad mood i mean im REALLY in a bad mood, it haunts me all day and then some. i get like, temporary depression. i trueyt believe the world is coming to an end, or that im useless and nothing will ever work out in my favor.
heres my bad mood, temporary depression “logic” for tonight. were alone. no matter what. no matter who we have or what we do, at the end of the day its you and your mind. you and your thoughts that no one else can possibly understand. your loved one can help you, they can comfort you, they can listen and try to understand. but they can only do so much. you can defeat yourself and hate yourself more than anyome one else in this world can. low self-esteem and low confidence are a hell in their own right. they can’t be fixed with drugs. and they don’t go away just because someone says your special. they make you feel alone in a crowded room, with a friend, in a lovers arms… but sometimes they go away, and for a short while it seems like maybe everything will work out. but they alwasy return with a vengence. charging into you psychie unforgiving, and pilliaging your every thought. they stop you from doing things. and you wonder if you will always be like this. its been 21 years, and im still hoping that maybe i will grow out of them. so i take what little therapy i have, and sometimes band-aids are all i have. im surprised this is only my third blog, ive had close to no views and no commets at all yet its still theraputic and addicitng.
a big reason why i tend to feel lonely is everyone i love is far away. my college friends don’t live in PA, my best friend has problems of her own and we are no longer speaking, and my boyfriend is 2 hours away at college. with my college roomates, i can honestly say living them was the most fun time in my life. i will never live like that again. we all lived in a big house and we all had our own rooms. we did crazy things. we woke our landlord up a few times, we had our own pool parties, we had pet ducks running around the house (even though we were not allowed animals), we had parties, we did everything. and those girls know me better than anyone almost better than my boyfriend. we have no secrets between each other, from the clean to the dirty we know everything about one another.
my best friend from home. she and i are no longer speaking, which is sad, but shes living a life style that i simply cant agree with or follow. but i miss her i do still consider her a friend even if its not the same in return. we had a unique bond. one of those opposites attract thing. shes been my best friend for 16 years, she practically lived at my house. im still getting used to not having her sleep over at night.
my boyfriend. i have the best boyfriend. we match so well. he’s away at college and i only get to see him maybe 2 or three times a month. (which is not enough) its hard but we make it work. i think it makes us appreciate each other company more. i go up to visit him sometimes and ive made lots of friends up there. i really do love the university, i even wished i could go there once.
but its these things that make me feel alone. and since im my worst enemy, being alone is never really a great thing. but what can i do? i don’t know. go on? what else is there except to wait for the days i go down to visit my roomates or my boyfriend comes home for the weekend. seems like a lifetime of waiting…
So Equine Affaire is coming up in april and im super psyched. What is Equine Affaire you might ask? Equine Affaire is a horse lovers dream, it’s a massive convention in Columbus, OH. They have everything, seminars, clinics, demos, shopping, food, and performances. Heres a link for those of you who are interested. www.equineaffaire.com
Besides all the stuff to see and do, im meeting up with my college roomates, whom I havent seen in a few months. We have out hotel rooms booked and ready and im counting the days till I get to see them. Sucks that I lost my one job a few weeks prior to this, which means shopping will not be as excessive as id like. But it will be worth it just to see my roomies 🙂 And yes I have roomateS, more than one, we all lived in a big house together just for Equine Majors. There the only horsey friends I have that are the same age as me, and I miss them very much they are my best friends. So question for you guys. What were your roomates like in college? Are you still friends? Post a comment!
My first blog. What a joy, like a first bike, gotta learn how to ride it. No, I have never blogged before, but I do tend to punch out some descent poems and short stories now and again, used to have an online journal too so I figured why the hell not. You know a little but about me from my description, so lets start finding that common ground I was talking about. Have you ever been fired? Or the sugar-coated term “let go”? Happened to me today. Never in my life have I ever been “let go”. So it was quite a surprise needles to say. The woman was disgustingly sweet about it, apologizing and telling me “good luck”. How nice. Though, im not as bitter about it as perhaps I should be, since she never gave a solid answer, it can only be assumed she did not like my cleaning methods I used on her house, or lack their of I suppose she might say. Go off topic with me here for a sec. I hate to assume. I really do believe you should never assume or preguess anything, but damn is it hard not to do that! i use the word “assume” way more times than I ever should in my vocabulary. I don;t even particularly care for the word. Say it out loud, “assume” doesn’t it sound pompous? Like you should have your nose in the air. “Assume”. What about you all do think you assume things too often? Anyway, back on topic. Getting fired. The pros: 1. I can spend more time with my horse. 2. I have an open day to schedule a class at my local community college. 3. Hmm…..nope there is no three just two pros. Cons: 1. Im out $170 bucks a month. 2.Now I have to redo my finances 3. Really glad I didn’t purchase a car, dog, or another horse like I wanted too. (maybe that would be a pro? idk) 4. Equine Affaire is coming up. Equine Affaire = expensive. And for those of you who don’t know, Equine Affaire is a HUGE horse convention in Ohio for fellow horse nerds like myself, I will do a blog about it and put some info in there for anyone who’s interested. Or you can just google it, that would be a faster way than waiting for my ass. And those are all the cons I can think of at this time. Thankfully, I only have two bills. My months board for my horse Jay, and my student loans (which im so far ahead in i don’t owe another payment for months, yes i am proud of this) Well three if you count Netflix. And damn do I love Netflix. Makes me feel like I get real mail. Anybody else love Netflix? Alright well, I think I hear Facebook calling me, my crack. So have you ever been fired? Were you mad, happy, etc? Do you assume too much too? Do you not assume enough? And do you love Netflix? Do you hate it? Leave me some comments telling me what you think. Feel free to rant and rave, that’s what im here for 🙂